「広がるサービス見直し 快適・便利の裏側考えたい」(毎日新聞社説)

「広がるサービス見直し　快適・便利の裏側考えたい」(毎日新聞社説)を英訳してみました。

今回の記事は長いですが、お付き合いくださいませ。

毎日新聞の社説「広がるサービス見直し　快適・便利の裏側考えたい」(https://mainichi.jp/articles/20170506/ddm/005/070/056000c)を英訳しました。

この社説は、全国紙の社説なので、インターネット上の簡易版とはいえ、日本語のプロが書いています。日本人にとっては分かりやすい日本語です。

ノンネイティブの書く英語が分かりにくいとしたら、もしかしたらロジックも原因ではないかと思っています。試しに、日本語のロジックの流れのまま英訳したものをネイティブに見てもらいました。予想通り、分かりにくいと言われました。内容や言いたいことを頭の中でつなぎ合わせなければならないそうです。

今回は、日本語のロジックのまま英訳したものと、自分なりにロジックの流れを変えたもの(下手っぴですが)、ネイティブによる校正版を、ご紹介してみたいと思います。

その前に、とりあえず、ネイティブによる校正のポイントを書きます。

・「顧客も企業も、それを当然だと思っている。」
(私) both customers and companies take it for granted.
(修正後) customers and companies alike take it for granted.
(ポイント)私の表現でも間違いではないですが、いつも同じ表現を使うよりも、バリエーションを持たせたいものです。

・「彼らの不満は高いレベルに達している」
(私) Their dissatisfaction reaches straw that broke the camel’s back.
(修正後) Their dissatisfaction is at a high.
(ポイント)最近習った表現が、を使ってみたいと思ったが、むやみやたらに使ってはいけない。

・（宅配の）時間指定サービス
(私) arranged delivery service
(修正後) pre-arranged delivery service

・「サービスの再検討は、さまざまな業界でも進んでいる」
(私) Companies of the other industries follow the Yamato’s decision.
(修正後) Companies in other industries follow Yamato’s lead.

・「駅ビル」
(私) train station buildings
(修正後) shops and restaurants inside stations
(ポイント) 当然ですが、直訳はダメですね。ついやってしまいました。

・「輸送、店の清掃、商品陳列」
(私) delivery, cleaning, and displaying products on the shelf
(修正後) truck transportation, store cleaning, and shelf stocking

・「24時間営業の店」
(私) 24/7 open stores
(修正後) 24/7 stores
(ポイント) 仕事だったら、表現が正しいかインターネットでチェックするのですが、練習なのでそれをサボってしまいました。

・「元旦から営業している店」
(私) shops open from the New Year’s Day
(修正後) shops open on New Year’s Day
(ポイント) 「から」に引っ張られてしまいました。

・「彼ら（ヨーロッパ人）は、伝統的・宗教的に労働者を保護する考えが強い。」
(私) They have traditional and religious belief in protecting workers.
(修正後) They have been protecting workers' rights. Employees are entitled not to work on religious days.
(ポイント) traditional and religious beliefがどうしても通じませんでした。

・「体力と資金のある大型店」
(私) superpower chain stores with affluent laborers and capital
(修正後) superpower chain stores that have a large staff and high capital
(ポイント) 形容詞をひとつでまとめようとしたのがいけなかった。affluentは、「金持ちの」のニュアンス。

・「私たちは深く考えるべきだ」
(私) We should think deeply.
(修正後) We should think long and hard.

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下記は、日本語の流れのまま英訳した文です。ネイティブにとっては、情報をまとめながら読まないといけないので、難しいとのことでした。

(題) More companies are revamping their services. What's behind convenience and comfort?

Yamato Transport Corp. (one of the big transport companies in Japan) decided to abolish parts of its time-arranged delivery services. The purposes are to improve the working conditions and to secure workforce.

Customers have been takeing services provided by companies for granted, and enjoyed convenience and comfort.

However, haven't such services increased the working hours of employees? This should be considered because labor population is decreasing.

Companies in various industries began to revamp their services.

For example, a family restaurant chain, Royal Host, abolished its 24-hour operation. Restaurant chains, Skylark and McDonald's, also reduced the number of restaurants that are open until midnight.

A supermarket chain, Aeon, shortened the opening hours in 70% of its large stores. So did middle-sized supermarket chains and station buildings.

It was generally accepted that the longer services are provided, the more profitable the companies become. Some company executives even said that delivery, cleaning, and displaying products on the shelf can be done more effectively at night than in the daytime.

Customers also welcomed convenient services such as time-arranged delivery services, 24/7 open stores, and stores open from the New Year Day.

However, such society results in long working hours and fatigue.

In some countries in Europe, only stores at airports and big stations are open on Sundays, holidays, and midnight. It is because of their traditional and religious belief in protecting workers and also for the purpose of protecting small and middle-sized stores from superpower chain stores with affluent laborers and capital.

It is the time that Japanese people should learn from such countries. The laborers in such countries take more days off and their productivity is higher than Japanese.

Are hospitable services based on others' sacrifice? Will the high-quality services be sustainable? We should think deeply.

=========================================================

(私なりに英語のロジックの流れに組み替え、情報を補足して、書いてみました。)

(題) More companies are revamping their services. What's happening to create convenience and comfort behind the scenes?

There have been various convenient and comfortable services in Japan. Customers and also companies take such services for granted. However, behind such convenient and comfortable services is excessive work. Workers have not expressed their complaints so far, but their dissatisfaction reached straw that broke the camel's back.

Companies began to revamp their services. Customers also need to think deeply whether such high-quality services will be sustainable.

Examples of convenient and comfortable services in Japan are time-arranged delivery services provided by most transport companies, approximately 50,000 convenience stores that are open 24/7, and supermarkets of big chains open until 10 or 11 p.m. These services have been spreading all around Japan as companies tried to cater to consumers' preferences. Such excessive services increase working hours and fatigue of the workers. Some companies cannot afford to pay for overtime work, and are sued by workers. Workers began to move to companies where labor conditions are better.

Therefore, one of the leading and influential transport companies, Yamato Transport Corp., decided to abolish parts of its time-arranged delivery services. Companies of the other industries followed the Yamato's decision. A family restaurant chain, Royal Host, abolished its 24-hour operation. Restaurant chains, Skylark and McDonald's, also reduced the number of restaurants that are open until midnight. A supermarket chain, Aeon, shortened the opening hours in 70% of its large stores. So did middle-sized supermarket chains and train station buildings.

It was generally accepted that the longer the employees work, the more profitable the companies become. Some company executives even said truck transportation, store cleaning, and shelf stocking can be done more effectively at night than in the daytime. Customers also welcomed convenient services such as time-arranged delivery services, 24/7 open stores, and stores open from the New Year Day. However, such society results in long working hours and fatigue.

In some countries in Europe, only stores at airports and big stations are open on Sundays, holidays, and midnight. They have been protecting workers' rights. Workers are not supposed to work on religious days. In addition, they know the importance of protecting small and middle-sized stores from superpower chain stores with great number of laborers and big capital. The laborers in such countries take more days off and their productivity is higher than in Japan. It is the time that Japanese people should learn from such countries.

Are convenient services based on others' sacrifice? Will the high-quality services be sustainable? We should think deeply.

=========================================================

(英語のロジックで書いたものを、ネイティブに添削してもらいました)
(題) More companies are revamping their services. What's happening behind the scenes to give us greater convenience ?

There are various convenient services in Japan which customers and companies alike take for granted. However, behind these services are overworked staff. Workers have not expressed their complaints so far, but their dissatisfaction is at a high.

Companies began to revamp their services. Customers need to think deeply about whether such high-quality service is sustainable.

Examples of convenient services in Japan include pre-arranged delivery services provided by most transport companies, approximately 50,000 convenience stores that are open 24/7, and big chain supermarkets open until 10 or 11 p.m. These services have been spreading all over Japan as companies try to cater to their consumers' preferences.
Such services increase the working hours as well as the fatigue level of the workers. Some companies cannot afford to pay overtime, and are sued by their employees. Workers have begun to move to companies with better working conditions.

As a result, one of the leading and most influential transport companies, Yamato Transport Corp., decided to abolish parts of its prearranged delivery service. Companies in other industries followed Yamato's lead. A family restaurant chain, Royal Host, abolished its 24-hour operation.
Restaurant chains, Skylark and McDonald's, also reduced the number of restaurants that are open until midnight. A supermarket chain, Aeon, shortened the opening hours in 70% of its large stores, as did middle-sized supermarket chains and shops/restaurants inside stations.

It was generally accepted that the longer employees work, the more profitable companies become. Some company executives even said truck transportation, store cleaning, and shelf stocking could be done more effectively at night than during the day.
Customers also welcomed convenient services such as prearranged delivery services, 24/7 stores, and shops open on New Year's Day. However, such a society results in long working hours and fatigue.

In some European countries, only stores in airports and large train stations are open on Sundays, holidays and until midnight. They have been protecting workers' rights. Employees are entitled not to work on religious days.
In addition, they know the importance of protecting small and middle-sized stores from the superpower chain stores who have a large staff and high capital. The employees in such countries take more days off and their productivity is actually higher than in Japan. It is time that Japanese people learn from these countries.

Are convenient services based on the sacrifice of others? Will high-quality services be sustainable? We should think long and hard.